the year in review prelude

when i turned forty, it was a very quiet night. i recalled telling myself to think about that it was just another day except t wasn’t because it was my birthday. the higher self knew that it didn’t matter if my little ego thought if i felt successful or not at this age. he sat patiently, knowing in some intuitive matter that i would eventually come around. still, my little ego could help but rejoice from what was and what is. it’s been a long 10 years and the end it was the beginning for forty. i came into quietly but it pick up momentum. first big one was running marathon. 2nd was joining vistage and guna. it felt so nice to not have my entire mental bandwidth sucked up by more own workings that is orange. next comes india. not least was paying off all my debt. the last two would be just gravy, hitting the 1 million mark and giving myself that bonus that would push over to the way comfortable 6 digit zone. yeah, i am bragging but only to myself and maybe a few other people. let me reveled in this ego glory exercise but the higher scoops in to remind me that that’s all shit. well, at least i an say i did over 200 days of meditation so far this year. the best run to date in building a mediation practice. and then the new yorker from guna. i don’t know why she called me today and said i miss you. i know woman just say that i guess and i can’t help it but to get a tad giddy. the giddiness is mostly the satisfactions of just trying to be myself and not pursue to attachment. i am yanked back but i can’t help but to continue to struggle with the teachings of non attachment and the desire to be in love and all. at the end of the day, either paths can be fruitful but only one seems worth pursuing. the pursuit of liberation for the benefit of others. the ultimate path against the human desire to be loved. i think there is a spiritual teaching of sorts that can expunge the truth of the polarities and mash it as one practice they are not separate.