i’ve been dreading this upcoming birthday for some time now. the big guys says cool it and don’t make a big deal about it. the little guy can’t help want to be depress and take advantage of the mid life crisis get out of jail free card. invariably there’s inertia of opposite forces canceling each other out and another year passes. well supposedly but i don’t think that’s going to happen this year. the old jack got you here and it’s brilliant. but is the old jack going to get you out of samsara? unfortunately not. let out jack play out the last of his silly fantasies and only then will experience what he had already known since young adulthood. the last 20 years has been one long game of playing out the wonderful roles that the pinnacle age of human youth affords. the story line was neither brilliant our morbidly sad, just your normal sweeter than average ‘success’ in the game of samsara. i keep wanting to do something OUTRAGEOUS to shake up the mid life crisis but not play the same cards that most do. get a new job, get a new fast car, get some young girlfriend, run off to some remote country. it’s all wholly tempting of course but i know it will be short lived if i play these cards. maybe that something outrageous is submitting my ego to a teacher i can take refuge with. deep down that’s the right answer but i resist that as well. oh, well do i start with this fresh slate. much have been learned and much to harvest from yester year’s toil but the challenging comes down to narrowing the focus. the funny thing is all these ‘goals’ are being translated to a widget on my phone. it’s funny and sad but it works for now.